went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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