First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
