in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
