True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
