I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
