I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
