Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
