the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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