Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
