I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
