How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
