I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
