mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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