My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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