she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
