Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
