Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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