Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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