Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
