Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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