Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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