I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
