...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
