So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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