I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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