I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
