I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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