The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
