a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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