..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
