This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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