i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
