by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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