he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
