Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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