The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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