i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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