Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Randomize
