I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
