im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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