it's too hot outside to masturbate.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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