I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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