I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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