I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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