I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
