Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
