Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
