She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
