what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
