I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
