I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
