You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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