We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
