margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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