He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
