so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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