Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
