is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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